Just when I feel I have turned a corner, left my angst, frailty, inquietude and vulnerabilities behind; they collectively reappear.
Of course I also have a habit of putting myself in uncomfortable, intense situations to test just how deep-rooted my self is. But the fact that I lose to my self in the end is frankly disappointing. I could easily blame it on a situation or the person I am interacting with. However, if I am honestly reflecting then I know I let the situation in — shallow tranquility run over.
Reflection is important, almost as important as endurance is. To be able to admit that you failed in truly fixing your flaws isn’t easy to admit, especially when the odds of misinterpretation and miscommunication are stacked against you. But it is the only way — to ever have a chance to get to truly know your self.
The belief that I am on a higher moral ground than the rest, is disintegrated when I truly reflect how miserably I fail at tiny situational abnormalities.
Only when I reflect, I witness the toxicity of my re-emerged self, killing the joys of my present.
It is an endless process — To truly look inside, only to be reminded once again, of the perpetual existence of the galling self.